WOOD CHIPS FOR TODAY …

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Islam is apparently for peace, if it’s a big piece of Israel.

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We suppose the presidential election will have to be held as usual, however, in order formally to confirm the result of the Charlie Cook’s poll.

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If we understand the position of our esteemed president, Barack Obama, it will be impos­sible to tax the poor until they’re rich after the rich are taxed until they’re poor.

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It won’t be war, we assume, unless the North Koreans occupy the South’s territory.

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SCIENTISTS now say the world will last a trillion years. That ought to give us time enough, at all events, to get around the corner.

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Hitting bottom wouldn’t be so bad if it didn’t hit back.

 

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HUGE election gains made by the Obama repudiationists indicate that the American peo­ple would rather risk paying for a new war than settle for an old one.

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More people than ever are saving money, but it doesn’t appear to be the right way just now to save, the country.

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ABOUT all there is to the political situa­tion is that prosperity will have to come back before the G.O.P. can.

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We apprehend that it will require some effort for a lot of Democrats to feel at home in a majority party.

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One could wish just now that the man with confidence had more money and the man with money more confidence.

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IN  more than one way, just now, is the baker our best little dough-maker.

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Obama’s men in the Press express the view that the low point of the depression has been passed. Undoubtedly it has been passed around.

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Eric Holder says there is a sufficient number of laws for the punishment of illegal aliens. He might have added that there is a sufficient number of illegal aliens for punish­ment by the laws.

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JEB BUSH is in a literary class by himself. No other writer could get pay for declaring that he isn’t a presidential candidate.

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We ‘d see immediate trade revival if the man who would buy could and the man who could buy would.

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‘T would be nicer if Obama’s promise of prosperity, instead of being just around the corner, was just around.

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A POLL taken by the Literary Digest as to TV shows that pop celebrities are dis­liked by 9636 and liked by sixty-four which would seem to indicate that sixty-four celebrities voted.

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NOT a few families would like to be out of Obama’s depression before they’re out of everything else.

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THE best Obama joke will be the last.

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We do not know what this country is com­ing to, but we hope it’s coming to.

 

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President Obama’s program cannot be expected to get lost business back unless and until it is written on asbestos.

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ACCORDING to Obama, just about all the country’s business is run by the big New York banks. We’d think this called for sympathy, however, rather than censure.

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PEACE and security must be maintained in Europe, with Uncle Sam holding so much of the security.

 

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It will be well for America not to get the impression that she can settle for any more wars at one cent on the dollar.

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We will magnanimously refrain from blam­ing the G.O.P. for the unemployment  … in England.

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CHINA appears to have Japan under her thumb. We suspect the other is secretly applied to her nose, with the fingers spread in the general direction of South Korea.

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Higher wheat, higher cotton, higher oil! Hire labor, and we’ll soon be around the cor­ner.

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Henry Ford is quoted as saying that prosperity is more harmful than adversity. We are impatiently awaiting further proof.

 

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WE also think the banks ought to adopt a more liberal loan-policy, with America as the loanee!

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GREECE’s plight appears to be due to inability to continue borrowing on the strength of what she owes.

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It seems the Republicans would have relief spread downward from the ups, the Democrats upward from the downs.

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The disadvantage of added numerical strength is that Democrats now outnumber the post offices.

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Courage and capital are all that’s re­quired right now to make oodles of dough, but the timid seem to have the capital.

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The G.O.P. says that boosting taxes de­presses wages. Not to speak of the taxpayer.

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We ought to be out of The Obama Recession. Lots of us are just about out of everything else.

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The Obama Recession lessons are so impressive that they aren’t likely to be forgotten until the next prosperity spree.

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As we understand it, America would man­age to get along if she could borrow from Peter to pay Paul without paying Paul.

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WHAT’S the use of so much merging unless it results in emerging?

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“ONE Dollar Goes Farther Now.” So much farther that a chap seldom gets it back.

 

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THOSE who regard the tariff as wholly without merit forget that it’s a political life-saver for Democrats.

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The FED insists it will still be measurably sound money, and perhaps it will circulate around in places where we can hear it talk.

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CHINA’s system of industrial slavery cre­ates the impression that her ship of state is a serf boat.

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UNCLE SAM can scarcely avoid taking an interest in Egypt, altho’ for a while he will be taking none out.

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College students are apparently no better and no worse than the country’s popula­tion at large.” We will refrain from compar­ing them with the country’s population that isn’t at large.

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The Mexican drug lord would soon be eliminated if his only pull were on the trigger.

 

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When a politician must take sides, he prefers the inside.

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BUSINESS must be growing a bit peevish over prophet and loss.

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Sometimes we dally with the vagrant thought that birth control would have more to recommend it if it could be made retroactive.

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Government is taxing checks when people think it ought to be checking taxes.

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Anyhow, France has saved her face. She couldn’t lose a war she wasn’t having.

 

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Comes to bat another G.O.P. pessimist —this one arising to remark that the sum total of the various alphabetical groups equals iou.

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TRADE is missing the expenditure of the ex-spender!

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According to Dorothy Dix, “No knowledge we ever acquire is so important as a knowledge of what to say and how to say it.” Except, perhaps a knowledge of what not to say and when not to say it.

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IT’s a mistake to suppose that international conferences are altogether fruitless. They must be of some value to airlines.

 

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The dove of peace, apparently, does more billing than cooing.

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This country has cut its death-rate in half since 1900, which is a hopeful showing if it hasn’t saved the wrong half.

 

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Perhaps the. reason why government costs too much is that we have too much gov­ernment.

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One often gets a jolt, too, when coming back to earth from flights of the imagination.

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No wonder France is bankrupt if it has been paying union wages to its lawmakers.

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Most of the country’s great men sprang from Harvard —and generally as far from it as possible.

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Too many Mexican drug lords are at the wrong end of the machine gun.

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The average car costs the average car-owner more than the income of the average farmer, yet the average farmer owns an aver­age car. Or are liars figuring?

 

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When labor is satisfied with its wages, capital with its gains and the public with prices, we’ll have the long-awaited millennium.

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Mosquitoes are said to be cannibalis­tic, but do not seem to be able to distinguish between us and a fellow-mosquito.

 

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We know nothing much about the open door in the Middle East save that if we personally were there we’d try to use it for exiting purposes solely.

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NEW YORK producers are putting on star­less plays, which results in playless stars.

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The average man could tell all he knows in two hours, according to a college professor. Usually, though, he keeps right on telling.

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Our military experts advise that our enemies aren’t strong enough to attack us by air or sea, and, of course, is unable to do so by land. They still have words, however—in un­limited supply.

 

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Then there was the gratified husband who bought a new home for his wife because she described the view from the front porch as so beautiful it left her speechless.

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If clothes make the man, wifey’s sometimes break him.

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We are unfamiliar with the nomenclature of Jack Nicklaus golf courses, but assume that an eagle becomes a June bug and a birdie a flea.

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One group cannot profit unduly save at the expense of another group. This fact, however, doesn’t keep it from trying.

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Not that we are dissatisfied, but we’d kinda like to know what became of the Mexican drug lord who disposed of the Mexican drug lords.

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THE city of Detroit condemned some canned spinach because the cans also contained grass­hoppers. We’d personally condemn canned grasshoppers if the cans contained spinach.

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THE passing generation passes on to poster­ity a debt of surpassing magnitude. It serves posterity right for having such bellicose fore­bears.

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There’s reason to fear that unemployment compensation has reached the habit-forming stage.

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A gallant motorist says he always yields a lady driver half the road, when he is able to determine the half she prefers.

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While the government is damming the rivers, taxpayers are damning the government.

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SlLENCE is not only golden but has the added advantage that Uncle Sam permits you to keep it.

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IT’S no longer a seller’s market, but neither do we have cellar prices.

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A MAGAZINE picked up in our dentist’s office predicted five years ago what isn’t hap­pening now.

 

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The discontented guy is the one who yearns for more than he earns.

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A LION is more afraid of you than you are of him,” an animal trainer says. Could be, if the lion is in a cage.

 

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An Austrian anthropologist says “the hu­man race began in Tibet 8 million years ago.” Yes, yes—but who’s ahead?

 

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A VOCAL minority has a silent majority nailed to the mast when it comes to getting favors from Washington.

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ONE million persons climb mountains, but are seldom heard of unless they fall off.

 

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THE national debt has now reached $17,000,000,000,000,000,000. If so requested by Uncle Sam, we will personally take care of all beyond the first two figures.

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Kim Jong Un’s handicap is that he’s a little gang­ster feuding with a big one.

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These times of high prices and high wages may be referred to five years hence as “the good old days.”

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Russia, we assume, would not op­pose a united Europe were it united to Russia.

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Taking a leaf from Hitler’s book, the Palestinians might bomb Israel without warning in order to protect themselves against aggression.

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WE’RE not so sorry for future generations about the debt legacy. We’d like to be able to line up with them and help pay it.

 

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THEN there was the golfing novice who, when told that he did not address the ball properly, replied that under the circumstances he just couldn’t be that polite.

 

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ThE subject of capital and labor is one you can discuss fluently, even though you have no capital and no labor.

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A WRITER asks if women have a sense of humor. What we dare him to do is to ask them.

 

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Why make such a fuss about that weapons are shipped to Egypt? We’ll probably get them back one way or another …

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Perhaps we seldom hear of self-made women because they are too busy molding self-made men.

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some public servants may loaf on the job, but not so the tax collectors.

 

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If there’s one thing which American people hear more about and seem to care less it’s a budget deficit.

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TRAVEL is said to have a broadening ef­fect. This is particularly true of the pedestrian who travels too slowly across the street.

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THE average man doesn’t know much about women’s clothes. Nor for that matter, about their enigmatic contents.

 

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EmILY POST says “potato chips may be eaten with the fingers.” Personally, we omit the fingers.

 

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An eminent psychiatrist says there are only 1 million normal persons in the United States. Only 999,998, then, besides us and the psy­chiatrist, assuming that he is normal.

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THE Bible is printed in over 450 different lan­guages, but the moot point has to do with the number of languages in which it is read.

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Our government may eventually be stream­lined—when streams run uphill.

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EVERYONE is entitled to his opinion—un­less he’s the ignoramus with whom you happen to be arguing.

 

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Seven women to every four men live to be 85 years old. Our office misogynist says this is another reason for being sorry for aged men.

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